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Involving the Groom

April 4, 2010

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From what I’ve seen/read/experienced, most guys aren’t that into the wedding planning. Of course, there are exceptions – like Mr. Sewing, who is MAKING her Miss Sewing’s wedding gown (!!!). (http://www.weddingbee.com/2010/01/18/dress-mock-up-stage-3/)  Amazing. But for most guys, the wedding planning world is scary, unchartered territory. I really feel that a lot of it has to do with basic differences between girls and guys. Whereas girls tend to be more detail oriented, most guys just want to get things done, and would rather not spend hours mulling over the perfect shade of lavender (my guy didn’t know what color lavender was until high school – sorry babe! :) ) Mr. Jelly is no different. While I think he is genuinely interested in the wedding and wants to help, I know that if he had it his way, the wedding would have been planned in 2 weeks because he doesn’t like spending hours online researching every single possibility, while I do. So I’ve tried to think of ways to best utilize his man-skills and make wedding planning not only bearable, but fun for both of us.

One thing I’ve done is decide where I actually need his help. While Mr. Jelly was very involved in the venue and photographer search, now that those big things are out of the way most of the stuff left is more detail-oriented (invitations) or decidedly non-manly (flowers). I realize that he’s just not going to hop online and look at different flowers for hours on his own accord. It works much better if I do most of the research, present him with several options, and he helps me make the decision (I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but decision-making is not my strong suit). Another key has been putting him in charge of certain things. I’m kind of a control-freak so sometimes it’s hard for me to delegate things, but when it  comes to things like the hotel block, I really just don’t care that much. So this was something I was ok with him handling on his own. Of course, we still talked about it and decided on it as a team, but he did all of the research. He is also in charge of finding dance lessons for our first dance, and booking our honeymoon. We both agreed that we wanted to go somewhere tropical, and the rest was up to him. He suggested Bora Bora, and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Beyond this, something I’ve found to be really helpful in the wedding process is to have wedding meetings. Seriously. I know it sounds a little ridiculous, but it was getting to the point where I’d bring up random wedding stuff all the time and even I was getting tired of it. One of my favorite Bees, Mrs. Cheese, blogged about the idea of wedding meetings (http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/01/28/my-dearest-mister/) and I thought it was a great one. Mr. Jelly agreed. So we decided for the sake of sanity, we would meet once a week or so to talk about wedding stuff – then the rest of the time we don’t really talk about it (easier said than done, but it helps). Our first meeting was hilarious – I printed out an agenda as a joke, and Mr. Jelly showed up in a suit – love that guy! Anyway, wedding planning meetings are a much better – and more productive – way to make decisions instead of trying to ask him about wedding colors while the A’s game is on.

I’d love to hear from some of the readers on this. Are your grooms uber-involved in the wedding planning? What has your experience been?

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